When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
