woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
