It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
