I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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