I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wanna go halves on a baby?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want her autograph on my taint
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
