Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
