i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
