i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
