in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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