my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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