Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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