After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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