Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
