Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
