I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
