I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize