I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
