I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
