I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
