omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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