nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I AM VODKA MAN
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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