I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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