Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
