some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Panties = found
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
