You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
