I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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