also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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