You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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