is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
