Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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