the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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