sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
