so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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