Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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