I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So here I am, sexting at work.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
