Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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