shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
