haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
