im drinking this country out of the recession.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
