No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
