the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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