I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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