dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
