hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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