I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
