Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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