i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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