just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
