I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
