Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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