Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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