You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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