So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As shirtless as possible
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
