it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
