I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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