hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
