she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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