I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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