We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
