just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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