You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
