and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
