Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
