So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
