Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dignity is for republicans.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
