I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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