I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
