Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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