4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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