We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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