OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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