so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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