Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
